Who made us judge and executor?

I remember a year or 2 ago someone sent me a video where a man stepped into a bus and then tried to steal a woman’s bag. While he was nearly out of the door the busdriver closed the door so the guy was stuck and the busdriver began hitting him until the police came. I showed this to my 80 year old mom and I said `look mum, Karma is a bitch”. My mum said she did not like the video.I asked why not and she said it could have been my son and that all the violence against him was not necessary. I was surprised but after a while I noticed I began to be less judgemental. I still want a killer to be caught and get to jail.I still think the justice system is a failure especially towards the victims. The victims are the ones let down. It happens a lot that the defendant’s lawyer attacks them and that is even accepted.  So I have not become a softie but in the case of the above mentioned video I was loving that the “bad guy” was slapped and beaten.yes karma hahahaha. well done. Loved watching it and I think this moment is not my best. It makes me cruel and that is what seems to be happening around the world.

Nowadays when you make a mistake in public,people will call your job to tell them you have to be fired, your family and friends and will demand  to leave you and tell them what you did and how disgusting you are and your friends are too because they are still in contact with you.


It feels like a witch hunt but then all those hunters are sitting behind their computers and mobiles and it is so easy to point your finger towards others.

But when real serious things are going on and they are being lied to you will not hear them.





About rape and the attitude of men and women alike

(This is an older post that I had not published but am doing so now)

Lately I have been watching a few documentaries about rape. Yesterday I was watching one called Hunting Humans which is about rape in college. It had a seemingly victorious ending but alas emphasize the word seemingly because nothing has changed since this movie was released nor has it changed in the 35 years since I was raped.

The movie Hunting Humans is specifically about how many girls are being sexually assaulted in college by other students and how when they report it to the school that school tries to pretend it was not that bad or it was her fault blablabla because if it comes out it might affect for instance the football team (very important in the US. money money,money and those players can afford nearly anything even rape women a couple of times and they are still stars) or it affect new students coming to the school but really it is all about money for those schools.


I was thinking about it all and decided I want to do something! .I am so sick of this habitual blaming the victim. look at the world nowadays. On social media it is all about Lgbt, blacks, muslims, we are all trying to do good to and for all those various groups that were being discriminated against but there is one group that is being overlooked. It is just half the population but oh well, and that is women!

Women can be so good to each other but also so cold and judging.

One example was Bill Cosby. When the news came he was being accused by various women including Janice Dickinson) of him raping them so many commentators were blaming those women and a lot of those commentators were women themselves.

It was all “oh they say so because they want his money. They are liars and these were the nice comments! Even though more proof came out that Cosby was a liar and had been doing what they aid he had there were still quite a few who kept on blaming those women.

What is wrong with a world that when you are raped (man or woman) that you immediately think you are the one to blame. You must have done something you should not have. Women think like that because that is how rape is being seen. If you wear sexy clothes it is your own fault apparently.

Now with the muslim community getting bigger and bigger in Europe that does not help at all. it makes it worse. Muslim women have to cover themselves and a lot do that happily I know but it is totally messed up because they have to cover up so not to put their men in temptation? Are these men so weak? If they see a shape of a breast they are tempted?

There is then the contempt for women who do not cover up and are being thought of of whores and sluts and not just thought of but called on the streets through whispers.

But that is another subject.

So I thought let me go and google which is the big international organisation against rape. Not women against rape because a lot of men are against it too and there were a lot of those groups but not an international one. you have the  San Francisco Women Against Rape, the Delaware County Women Against Rape,,the Women Organized Against Rape Philadelphia and so on. Then I thought i had found it a group called Women against rape (as if you could be pro rape!) but then it said it was  aimed at multicultural women. Then you have Stop Rape Now but that is aimed at Sexual violence in conflict, and Stop rape & gender violence in conflict. (most rapes are done by people we know by the way) So all in all many organizations but all so divided. here should be one big international one at least where everybody that wants to fight rape can go. No matter the gender.

It is ridiculous that this problem. (It said that for instance in my country 45 % of women were sexual assaulted) is not one main topic on everybody’s mind. how do we change the way men look at women. How can women change?

Perhaps not much is done really because this problem has so much layers and is not an easy one to solve I do not know but it disgusts me that so many rape victims are being victimized again by the system.

There are so many things going in my mind and I would be so much better if i could express them in my own language but then most could not read it.




What does friendship mean to you?

This morning I was replying to a post of one of my booky friends and that made me think of the friendships that I have build in my life and what it means to me.

My best Friend

Let me begin with my first and biggest friend Sylvia. She is the daughter of my mum’s sister so she is my cousin.As a young child I was always quite obedient. I listened to my parents but there was always one exception.
On holidays when we were in the car on our way to visit Sylvia or theirs to us, my parents would warn us beforehand not to ask if we  could sleep over (Sylvia’s 2 year older sister wanted to be with my 2 year older sister) or if we could stay there. And I never listened. So urgent was it for me to be with Sylvia I would take the punishment.. We loved being with each other so much that when she was with me before her parents were going home we ran away, hoping they would go without Sylvia and sometimes that worked and to be honest, most of the times we ended up staying with each other.

At age 15 we drifted apart, she was very young when she met a man and got pregnant and ending up having six children. (She is divorced now) while I ran away at age 15 to live in a squad in Amsterdam with fellow punkies as I call them because I dislike the word punk rockers. Nothing to do with rock.

Anyway when we did see each other it felt just as good. Did not matter how different our lives were. Years later I moved back to Heemstede being a happily single mum. When my daughter was 9 or so Sylvia called me asking something about a TV program and of course I was watching the same show. Big Brother. (The Dutch BB was the first BB in the world) So we began chatting and it was the same. We have not stopped chatting since. Now we see each other probably twice a month and we are always talking.

Funny how close we are but still so different: She finds it hard to be alone (not so weird after having such a big family) while I love solitude and can’t be with humans for very long except for her. She accepts me for who I am and she has the same gallow humour.

I was thinking about it and I realised that there are not many people in the world that love you for how you are. Do not want to change you and you  feel safe. You can say parents love you for who you are but that is not always the case. It is different because parents have expectations and children want to fulfil those. yes even as an adult.

Friend Groups:

So I am blessed. I do not have many friends but quite funny I have groups of friends.

That is thanks to the internet. I have a lot of international friends thanks to our common love for books. We are a big group who have been playing book games, sending each other books, having fun and arguing for nearly 15 years now. Some I have even met in real life.

Then I have my punk friends I call them. Thanks to facebook we are all back in contact with each other. It is interesting to see how they have turned out. Some are very politically left and their posts are about politics a lot.Others turned out to be artists. Some are still wearing punk clothes and having green hair.


Then a very small group of old school friends. Just recently I friend requested (something I hardly ever do. I still have 52 requests on ignore.) . She was a former school friend when we were age 8 till 12. It still clicked.

There is one group of friends I miss and that is I would love to have a friend that also loves to game but then not the games everybody plays. First person shooters but I am talking about JRPG. Games like Final Fantasy, Tales,

Having one friend who loves you and accepts  your good and bad is something I will never take for granted.

Friendship to me is accepting each other for who you really are good and bad and have each others backs and have many laughs.