About rape and the attitude of men and women alike

(This is an older post that I had not published but am doing so now)

Lately I have been watching a few documentaries about rape. Yesterday I was watching one called Hunting Humans which is about rape in college. It had a seemingly victorious ending but alas emphasize the word seemingly because nothing has changed since this movie was released nor has it changed in the 35 years since I was raped.

The movie Hunting Humans is specifically about how many girls are being sexually assaulted in college by other students and how when they report it to the school that school tries to pretend it was not that bad or it was her fault blablabla because if it comes out it might affect for instance the football team (very important in the US. money money,money and those players can afford nearly anything even rape women a couple of times and they are still stars) or it affect new students coming to the school but really it is all about money for those schools.

 

I was thinking about it all and decided I want to do something! .I am so sick of this habitual blaming the victim. look at the world nowadays. On social media it is all about Lgbt, blacks, muslims, we are all trying to do good to and for all those various groups that were being discriminated against but there is one group that is being overlooked. It is just half the population but oh well, and that is women!

Women can be so good to each other but also so cold and judging.

One example was Bill Cosby. When the news came he was being accused by various women including Janice Dickinson) of him raping them so many commentators were blaming those women and a lot of those commentators were women themselves.

It was all “oh they say so because they want his money. They are liars and these were the nice comments! Even though more proof came out that Cosby was a liar and had been doing what they aid he had there were still quite a few who kept on blaming those women.

What is wrong with a world that when you are raped (man or woman) that you immediately think you are the one to blame. You must have done something you should not have. Women think like that because that is how rape is being seen. If you wear sexy clothes it is your own fault apparently.

Now with the muslim community getting bigger and bigger in Europe that does not help at all. it makes it worse. Muslim women have to cover themselves and a lot do that happily I know but it is totally messed up because they have to cover up so not to put their men in temptation? Are these men so weak? If they see a shape of a breast they are tempted?

There is then the contempt for women who do not cover up and are being thought of of whores and sluts and not just thought of but called on the streets through whispers.

But that is another subject.

So I thought let me go and google which is the big international organisation against rape. Not women against rape because a lot of men are against it too and there were a lot of those groups but not an international one. you have the  San Francisco Women Against Rape, the Delaware County Women Against Rape,,the Women Organized Against Rape Philadelphia and so on. Then I thought i had found it a group called Women against rape (as if you could be pro rape!) but then it said it was  aimed at multicultural women. Then you have Stop Rape Now but that is aimed at Sexual violence in conflict, and Stop rape & gender violence in conflict. (most rapes are done by people we know by the way) So all in all many organizations but all so divided. here should be one big international one at least where everybody that wants to fight rape can go. No matter the gender.

It is ridiculous that this problem. (It said that for instance in my country 45 % of women were sexual assaulted) is not one main topic on everybody’s mind. how do we change the way men look at women. How can women change?

Perhaps not much is done really because this problem has so much layers and is not an easy one to solve I do not know but it disgusts me that so many rape victims are being victimized again by the system.

There are so many things going in my mind and I would be so much better if i could express them in my own language but then most could not read it.

 

 

 

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What does friendship mean to you?

This morning I was replying to a post of one of my booky friends and that made me think of the friendships that I have build in my life and what it means to me.

My best Friend

Let me begin with my first and biggest friend Sylvia. She is the daughter of my mum’s sister so she is my cousin.As a young child I was always quite obedient. I listened to my parents but there was always one exception.
On holidays when we were in the car on our way to visit Sylvia or theirs to us, my parents would warn us beforehand not to ask if we  could sleep over (Sylvia’s 2 year older sister wanted to be with my 2 year older sister) or if we could stay there. And I never listened. So urgent was it for me to be with Sylvia I would take the punishment.. We loved being with each other so much that when she was with me before her parents were going home we ran away, hoping they would go without Sylvia and sometimes that worked and to be honest, most of the times we ended up staying with each other.

At age 15 we drifted apart, she was very young when she met a man and got pregnant and ending up having six children. (She is divorced now) while I ran away at age 15 to live in a squad in Amsterdam with fellow punkies as I call them because I dislike the word punk rockers. Nothing to do with rock.

Anyway when we did see each other it felt just as good. Did not matter how different our lives were. Years later I moved back to Heemstede being a happily single mum. When my daughter was 9 or so Sylvia called me asking something about a TV program and of course I was watching the same show. Big Brother. (The Dutch BB was the first BB in the world) So we began chatting and it was the same. We have not stopped chatting since. Now we see each other probably twice a month and we are always talking.

Funny how close we are but still so different: She finds it hard to be alone (not so weird after having such a big family) while I love solitude and can’t be with humans for very long except for her. She accepts me for who I am and she has the same gallow humour.

I was thinking about it and I realised that there are not many people in the world that love you for how you are. Do not want to change you and you  feel safe. You can say parents love you for who you are but that is not always the case. It is different because parents have expectations and children want to fulfil those. yes even as an adult.

Friend Groups:

So I am blessed. I do not have many friends but quite funny I have groups of friends.

That is thanks to the internet. I have a lot of international friends thanks to our common love for books. We are a big group who have been playing book games, sending each other books, having fun and arguing for nearly 15 years now. Some I have even met in real life.

Then I have my punk friends I call them. Thanks to facebook we are all back in contact with each other. It is interesting to see how they have turned out. Some are very politically left and their posts are about politics a lot.Others turned out to be artists. Some are still wearing punk clothes and having green hair.

 

Then a very small group of old school friends. Just recently I friend requested (something I hardly ever do. I still have 52 requests on ignore.) . She was a former school friend when we were age 8 till 12. It still clicked.

There is one group of friends I miss and that is I would love to have a friend that also loves to game but then not the games everybody plays. First person shooters but I am talking about JRPG. Games like Final Fantasy, Tales,

Having one friend who loves you and accepts  your good and bad is something I will never take for granted.

Friendship to me is accepting each other for who you really are good and bad and have each others backs and have many laughs.

 

If I could travel to America, where would I like to go?

Hmm. I was thinking about this, because a friend on facebook (Melinda Stogsdill ) asked me and said, I could stay with her. I am 60% sure my other American friends would like me to come visit too. (I’ve gone from I am sure to 60 % lol) , so then I thought what would I like to see.

Well. I have been to America when I was 20 or so. It was with my half American,half Dutch boyfriend Alex. We flew to New York and from NY to LA. We spend time in LA. Also stayed with my family who lived in Anaheim at that time. We visited Disney Land and we stayed in the Disney hotel. Okay, we slept in a cupboard, but hey, I can say I slept there. 😉

One thing I know, I had such a great time. We stayed there for 3 months or so. Visited Nappa Valley. I remember there was a geyser. Loved to visit the wine places and taste it. I am not a wine drinker. prefer beer over wine always!

I also have good memories thinking about Santa Cruz. Amazing, lying on the beach, behind you squirrels were playing, and in front of you you could see the sea lions goofing around in the sea.

Okay back to the now and here.

If I could visit I would love to see the big plantations, the cotton fields if there are any left? visit Atlanta. Yes, it is obvious, I loved Gone with the Wind.;)

New York! Yes we slept there for 1 night but I did not see a thing. Love to visit the statue of Liberty, and go into town. Coney island or how it was called : Conyne Eylandt, or Konijneneiland (rabbit isle)

Las Vegas. Not for gambling but just to see all the amazing hotels there. If I had money I would like to gamble of course 🙂

Yes thinking about it I would also love to see the Dutch places. Pella Iowa. That is where this idea started. Melinda told me she visited there and was thinking about me.

OMG. I can’t think. I love to see the more historical places.  Okay I do better and will ask on Facebook which places are a must to visit.

The thing is America is so huge. it is like the whole of Europe and I can’t imagine visiting Europe all in once.
One things sucks. I think it will take me 2 years to save up enough to go. Oh well nothing wrong with some dreaming so now and then. 🙂

Little things that make me happy

I love woodlouse.

Two days ago I called my dad bursting out of my body. I was overjoyed because I had just ordered a brand new TV!  Hardly able to speak coherently, my dad got the gist of it, and he then told me, how he loved that I was so happy over I  a new TV. That it was a good thing to still be able to enjoy small things. (although  buying a new TV is  not small to me)

He made me think and he does have a point. Because I am used to not having a lot of money buying something new is such a treat. I could jump from joy. Then I started to wonder, what makes me happy? I came to the conclusion, indeed small things do.

Coffee makes me happy. I wake up and can really look forward to my first cup.Chococlate makes me happy too. Yes I know, it is not good for me but hey, I can really look forward going to bed and eating half a bar of chocolate very slowly.

This morning when I woke up the first thing  do is feed my cats and then feed the birds.

While in the garden I listened to a blackbird singing his heart out in the top of a tree. I thanked him for the song. yes confession: I talk to animals and bugs! I talk to the birds, to the cats but even worse, sometimes I talk to snails and woodlouse. I am sure people in the neighbourhood think I am the lunatic lady, but I do not care any more!

Okay back on topic : I love when my great tits. …………. (My God that sounds very weird. They give little gorgeous birds such weird names.lol) fly near my window, alerting me that the food is gone in the little house my dad build for them.

My cats make me happy sometimes, make me laugh when they have their 5 crazy minutes.

So Happiness to me is enjoying the small moments. What is happiness for you?

What I have watched this week. May 26-2012

Let me see.

I did catch up on Survivor Season 24 but to be honest did not like this season at all, so I did not even watch the last few eps. I checked who had won and that turned out someone I did not like very much. Oh well.

What I did instead was to download Season 22 of Survivor. Redemption Island. I know there are fans who hated that season but I enjoyed it. So much so that I watched it twice.Loved who won.

This afternoon I decided to download the first episode of Duets. This is another singing contest but with the worst judging system to date. There are 4 “famous” coaches, who auditioned to find 2 unknown singers to sing duets with. The other 3 judges are the ones that vote. Kelly Clarkson ended up in the bottom wit both of her acts. What I also did not like were the contestants were very alike with a few exceptions. I liked Kelly’s picks. Alas, I do not think I am going to follow this show.

Yesterday I watched episode 2 of The Bachelorrette with Emily Maynard. So far I am not thrilled with the guys. She had her first date with a kind of creepy guy:Ryan. She took him to her house to bake cookies. he pretended to like it but you could read through him. (He wanted the helicopter and the rich and famous) lol What else? O yes I got annoyed by one guy who is a dad:Doug,and he got all hot and bothered because Kalon, someone who is not well liked by the other guys at all, said he had put his being a parent on hold. I can see if you get upset, well not really ;), but the way he talked. He did not let kalon get a word in. He was very threatening I thought. It is fun to have a Dutch guy in there. Arie.Hope he is nice. he is kinda short for a Dutch guy though. 😉

Right now I am watching Germany’s Next Top Model S07 episode 12. Someone, the uploader from the torrent on demonoid, told me eps 13 is going to be filled with drama so I can’t wait. Still enjoying Sara, I like Dominique and Diana. Still getting sick of all the gushing about Luisa. (She is stunning though and she will probably win, but it is annoying to see the judges having favourites)

The Voice Australia is only once a week and I was so looking forward to see Lakyn Heperi perform again. Alas it was a bit of a let down. Still love his voice but you could feel his nerves. He is gorgeous but very young and I think he is insecure, which showed. I really hope people vote for him. I also like Darren Percival. My favourite team is Joel’s. That is why I hate the way they judge this show.

Tonight The Voice UK. One of few shows I can watch in real time. Loving Max Milner.

I have watched more shows but can’t cover them all. Off to drink some coffee.

Hello world!

    Hi, I started this blog because I visited a site called Clever Reality Recaps Blogs and if there is one thing I like it is to watch Reality TV.I just signed up so I could like and maybe respond to their posts, but then I realized I can write my own blog so maybe I will give it a try. (I am totally new to this)

My name is Marlene. I live in The Netherlands. English is not my first language so bare with me. Because of this I have to download all the shows I like to watch. I used to run a Reality TV server on #survivor-central. Now I download them through torrents or newsgroups. Shows I am following right now:

  • The Bachelorette
  • The Voice UK
  • The Voice Aus.
  • The Apprentice UK
  • The Ultimate Fighter
  • Tough Love
  • Germany’s Next Top Model (Best NTM)
  • US Next Top Model. (I love the British girls!)

Shows that just ended and I also watched were:

  • Britain’s got More Talent. (First time I’ve watched this)
  • The Voice US ( Same outcome as Season 1. yawn)
  • Fashion Show
  • The Biggest Loser (What a horrible winner)
  • The Biggest Loser Aus. (I still have to catch up)
  • Survivor (I’m still watching, playing catch up)
  • The Apprentice. (Have to see the final.)

Let’s take The Apprentice US. OMG. I thought I’d like Aubrey O Day but she proved me wrong. What a horrible woman!
Same with Lisa although I did not know her but how she treated Diana was appalling. (Not sure if this is the way I spell that word) 😉

Dancing With The Stars: I decided not to watch it after watching the first few episodes.
I realized very quickly it would be another season of watching Derek and Mark with ringers and the judges constantly drooling over them. So glad I was smart because yes I was right. (I am a Maks fan by the way)

Oops I wanted to introduce myself and here I am typing away.One Show I am looking forward to is Big Brother US (My favourite BB)

Off to watch some GNTM and the last semi final of BGT.

Marlene